Noticing Resistance

Kerstin McInnis, A Cake Walk LifeHabitsLeave a Comment

Have you ever had a task in front of you that you need to tackle but all you want to do is anything but that task?

I have an assignment from a coach I’m working with. Every week that I have to tackle one of these assignments, I delay doing it. Once I finally sit down at the 11th hour to tackle it, I feel myself dreading every aspect of it.   I don’t want to do it. I can’t concentrate on it. I feel anxious. I’m annoyed that I even have to do it. I’m mad at her. I think maybe I should cancel or push off working with her. Maybe the timing isn’t right? I come up with any excuse I can think of for why I shouldn’t do this work.

Why? Is it a silly assignment? Is it a waste of time? Is the timing wrong?

No. What my emotional response tells me is that it’s hard and not because she’s challenged me intellectually. It’s because she’s challenged me emotionally. Doing the work that she’s put in front of me has required that I dig down deep and really feel what it is that I want. She’s challenged me to get clear and own who I am and what I want and to put it on paper. That’s real and that’s scary.

When we’re resistant to tackling something in our life, it’s often because we’re scared of the outcomes that might come when we make changes. For some reason we’re scared to have everything we’ve ever wanted. We’ve gotten used to the way things are and, for good or bad, it’s comfortable. It’s not a logical way of being and your logical mind would disagree and say, “that’s not what I’m doing”. But if you listen closely, your heart will squeak out “yes, I am scared”.

So, how do we create safety and security for ourselves, as we step into new areas and to areas that scare us?

Go slowly. There’s no rush. Your timing is perfect and you are learning everything you need to learn at exactly the right time. Believe this to be true. I have many examples in my life of pushing things too fast and of taking things as they come. I’ve always had more positive experiences when I went with the flow.

Take baby steps. Any step in the direction you want to go is a step. Don’t worry about taking a big leap. That might be too much for you. It might scare you further and cause you to retreat back and delay future forward movement.

Release the “shoulds”. Forget what you think you “should” do and do what feels right. Trust your emotions. The “shoulds” in life are usually attached to societal and familial beliefs and are rarely personal.   Ask yourself why you think you “should” do something. Listen to the answers. Write them down. Then read them over and ask yourself if any of them are true for you. Do any of those reasons match your values?

When we work through emotionally challenging areas of ourselves it is uncomfortable but the rewards are huge. Are you willing to be a little uncomfortable in order to reap the rewards?

I am safe

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